Own Your Words! How to Use Language As Your Competitive Advantage

Let’s talk about something that might seem small, but can make or break your message, your sale, or even your credibility.

The Language we use

Earlier this week I was on a sales call with four other women, and the rep kept saying 'you guys', over and over again.

My interest in her use of language peaked, but not in a good way. 

I stopped listening. 

Was I offended? Maybe? 

Was I annoyed? You betcha! 

Did she miss the mark? Completely! 

In that moment, trust evaporated.

Here’s what I know for sure: Words shape outcomes. 

Words either invite people in or shut them out.

What research reveals about the words we use

There’s real data behind using language to build trust

 Fast Company explains that 'you guys' may seem neutral to some, but it still carries male-coded baggage. (of course it does, ask any woman!)

Preply’s Business Communication Survey found 'Hi (name)' and 'Hello team' to be the most professional greetings. 'Hey guys' and 'Yo'? Not so much. 

The Wall Street Journal reported how vague greetings like 'Hey' in workplace chats can create confusion and even trigger anxiety.

Even more informal terms like 'hun,' 'sweetheart,' or 'dude' may feel friendly to the speaker, but they sound patronizing to the listener, especially across gender lines.

Even subtler phrases like:

• 'To be honest…'

• 'Just circling back…'

• 'I think maybe…'

can (unintentionally) diminish your message and undo all the work you are doing. 

Let’s talk about cultural references

This part is personal.

English is my second language. I didn’t grow up speaking it. I started learning some English in high school in the Netherlands, but I didn't learn to speak it until I moved to the USA at the age of 18.

For years, I didn’t feel the full emotional weight of certain words. Words like 'shit' 'a$$h0le' or 'f*ck' didn’t hit the same way they might for a native speaker. Sad, but true! (and cringe, I know.)

Cultural references and taboos vary wildly, and what’s casual to one person might be deeply inappropriate to another. 

In some cultures, titles like 'Mr.' or 'Ms.' are non-negotiable. In others, first names are expected. Swear words may seem funny in movies, but they are offensive in emails. 

This cultural shift comes into play even within countries! 

I learned how to speak English in Boston and Philadelphia, but I eventually moved to South Carolina for 20 years (where our kids were raised). To everyone younger than me, I was Ms. Dorien.

Initially, that sounded weird. 

But when I moved back to New England after 20 years, I had to adjust to hearing a 14-year-old call me 'Dorien'.

Language means different things to different people.

So, how do we bridge that?

With empathy, curiosity, and practice.

If you’re working in a diverse, global team or selling to one, be extra intentional and aware of the words you use.

Generational differences are real! (but not an excuse for acting like a d*ck or a b*tch)

Millennials and Gen Z might say 'you guys,' 'literally dying,' or 'slay' with ease. Boomers and Gen X might lean into 'circle back,' 'ASAP,' or 'per my last email.' (I am guilty of having used these! 🤣)

Each generation has its tone, humor, and comfort level.

BUT…

When we step into professional spaces, especially digital ones, we should try to find a shared language that feels respectful and inclusive for everyone. Not just 'our people.'

While generational trends explain behavior, they don’t excuse exclusion.

Language matters for your brand voice

If you’re building a business, your team and brand need a clear voice. Not just online in public view, but on your customer service and sales calls, presentations, webinars and in your correspondence.

Here’s how to embed (the right) language into your brand strategy:

1. Document it. Get together with your team and write a brand voice guide. Include tone, phrases to use, and phrases to avoid.

2. Train your team. Be sure to include everyone in this! Customer service reps, writers, and salespeople all need to speak the same language, literally.

3. Audit your communications. When you audit, check your website, social media, chat transcripts, and email templates for tone and phrases used.

It's your choice, really. Your voice can either build trust or break it.

Want to voice your vibe? Own It! Online and IRL

Let’s say you’re the founder, CEO, or public face of your brand. 

You are reading this and immediately think 'F*ck this, Dorien'! I am going to use 'you guys,' drop an F-bomb for effect, or call people 'rockstars', 'dude' or 'babe' all day long. 

Well...that’s your call.

It’s bold. It’s intentional. And it’s a strategy.

But remember to own it. And be prepared for the consequences.

You will receive backlash, unsubscribe rates, or simply not resonate with everyone. That’s the trade-off when your personal voice becomes part of your public brand.

Again, your voice, your choice! 

But...if you’re an employee, a community manager, or a freelance contractor representing someone else’s brand, do not go rogue. It repeat, do not go rogue.

Follow the tone. Stick to the guide. Respect the voice of the brand you represent. Because your words reflect on them just as much as they on reflect you.

Find yourself in need of some word swaps?

Need quick swaps that feel authentic and inclusive? I've been there! 

Instead of saying: 'You guys'

Try this: 'everyone' 'team' 'folks' 'all' 'you'

Instead of saying: 'Hey' 

Try this: 'Hi (name)' 'Hello there' 'Good morning' 'Good afternoon'

Instead of saying: 'Sweetheart' 'Hun' 'Honey' 'Babe'

Try this: (name)

This is how my community feels right now!

(go read the comments!)

Cheers, 

Dorien